Friday, April 3, 2015

Birthdays + Cupcakes + Thoughts

It's my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Yes, I love birthday's. Even though they symbolize getting older, for me, they also symbolize becoming wiser. Personally, I think I've gotten much wiser with every year that passes and that in itself is something to celebrate. Yesterday I bought myself some cupcakes and got a mani/pedi as a little early present to myself, because why not?! 26 was a hard year. I WILL indulge and pamper myself at little. I deserve it.

When I look back on my 26th year on this earth I have to say- I've learned A LOT. When I think about my birthday last year I remember being really happy. I'd just met a new group of friends that I really liked, I was going to lots of shows and other music events, I was dating again. I felt very carefree and was just having fun. But somewhere along the way of what should have been a spectacular year I lost my wanderlust. I lost my sparkle and glitter and bubbles and I lost my joy. Things that were once fun to me now made me feel extremely overwhelmed with anxiety. I got really depressed which made me scared. I dreaded going to do the very things I used to love to do not too long before. What happened? Why was I feeling this way? What could I do? I wanted the sadness to end but I didn't know how to make it stop. Even though I'm terrified to write this for all to read, I started going to a therapist and when I did I was at my very lowest point.

Although therapy is wonderful and so good for your mind it is also really fucking hard. You don't just go and automatically get better. You have to keep going, keep learning, keep trying. And that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm starting to enjoy the things I used to again, I'm learning how to better manage my anxiety and am teaching myself how to quiet those bad voices in my head. It's so hard, but I know that I just have to keep working on making myself better. Pushing out those negative, irrational thoughts and letting the positive, loving ones seep into my mind. I'm getting there but it'll always be hard for me and learning to accept that this is who I am is a huge step in the right direction. Loving yourself and accepting yourself is so important and I'm working on it... I'm working on it. So, here's to 27. Whatcha got for me?

P.S. I know I'm not alone in this. What are some of the things you do to help manage your anxiety and depressed thoughts? I wanna know. I plan on writing a post soon about some of the things I do that really help me.

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